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Educating a Child in the Lord - Discipleship
By Meg Lund

God designed the world in such a way that, to the extent that man would follow His will, it would become Heaven on Earth. "Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven." His Kingdom will be here when man accepts His will with the same total Fiat as that of the Blessed Mother. Clearly, it would be Heaven on Earth if all were as good as the Blessed Mother.

Simply, God's law, or His will, is this... to love Him above all things and, through His love, to love each other as ourselves. This is the epitome of what we are trying to teach our children. To the extent that they have learned this in our family schools, we have succeeded. When we are exhorted by the Bible and the Church to educate our children, this is the measure by which we can examine our success.

One of the hardest things to outgrow, as an immature child, is the image in our minds of ourselves as being the center of the universe and of ourselves as being much more important than everything, even God. As infants, we have no regard for anyone or anything else than ourselves. "MEET MY NEEDS!!!" we come out screaming. The family and parents embrace that infant, meet her needs, and then, with a respectful, but firm, guiding hand, teach that infant to consider others, and God.

The goodness that God has built into every child, each made in His image, calls the child to sacrifice for others. This is against human nature, which requires us to begin to die to ourselves in order to accomplish. This is how we begin to chisel away at that overwhelming "ME" that we are born with, and begin to see God and others in their proper position.

By the age of 3, the child should have come a long way in this regard, recognizing that the family community that she was born into expects her to start emulating her heavenly Father. She should be showing signs of compassion towards other children and animals, being careful not to harm them, being concerned when they are hurt, and wanting to do what she is capable of to help out others.

The child will have learned these things through observing the way that others in the family behave and through proper discipline, which means making the right behavior easy and the wrong behavior difficult. She should have many opportunities to do things for herself and for others. The family needs to stand back and allow her fumbling attempts, and encourage her to grow in her journey towards God's will.

By the age of 6, a child should be making a significant contribution to the family. She should have clearly defined chores that she must get accomplished in order for the family to run smoothly. It's important that the job is significant and that the child understands that the family is relying on her to get the job done. Some jobs are best done in teams. This is a great way to teach children to get along and even enjoy their work.

Work can be made fun by singing or praising God in some way while working. Singing is a great way to diffuse crabbiness. If there is ever a lot of bickering, a family may try singing everything they say.. no one can sing and stay crabby. Negative or discouraging talk need not be allowed. There is no reason to allow one person to bring everyone else down.

As children grow, the best way to teach them is to imitate our Lord as He Himself formed His disciples. His teaching method included maintaining close contact, instilling proper motivation, reflecting on natural events, physically involving the disciple and teaching to pray.

Maintaining Close Contact
Children will learn most from those that they are most bonded with. They need to feel the love and see the example of the teacher. If parents allow that bond to be broken by sending their children away to be instructed, they will lose a great deal of teaching effectiveness, as well as miss out on a myriad of crucial opportunities to teach. This will especially be the case if parental authority is undermined by peers and other adults, which is too often the case in the modern world.

The first step in raising up good disciples is to be a good disciple. Children learn through imitation. Therefore, if we expect our children to be well disciplined, WE must be well disciplined. If we expect our children to love the Lord more than anything else, WE must love the Lord more than anything else. If we expect our children to love our neighbor as themselves, WE must love our neighbor as ourselves, and so forth. We will not be able to expect in our children what we ourselves do not have, and experience proves that children will rise to, or fall to, their parents' expectations.

Instilling Proper Motivation
Twice, Jesus rebuked the Apostles for being concerned about who was the greater. It is a non-desirable tendency of human nature to rank ourselves, and modern schooling and culture reinforces that. Children must be taught to keep their eyes focused above and to never judge (grade) themselves or others. They also must be taught to help one another, rather than to rise to greatness by stepping on another's head (a phenomena disgustingly prevalent in the modern business world). In all graded classwork and competitive sports, there is a loser. It is so sad that children are taught to revel in success at the cost of others being crushed. There are many types of flowers in God's Kingdom, and each child should be taught to appreciate the different types. Many don't excel at book work or at sports, but these individuals often have the extraordinary gifts. All should be encouraged to discover those gifts and develop them for the glory of God and the good of all mankind.

Clearly, it is not proper Christian motivation for education to use pride, ego, the love of money or prizes. The only proper motivation for learning is for the love and glory of God... to be able to come to know God so that we will love Him more and serve Him better. As Solomon prayed for God's wisdom in order to serve Him well, so also should our students have all focus on the glory of God.

It's critical to avoid the trap that many "good" Catholic families fall into, and that is in building up the children's pride in that they are "better" than the rest. If they are being raised well, they certainly will be different than children of the world, but they should never consider themselves "better." Rather, they should recognize that to whom much is given, much will be expected, so that their calling is to be even more of a servant of the rest, and that they should love their fellow man as much as their Master did, following Him to the Cross for them. When they see the obvious faults and sins of others, they should be non-judgmental, recognizing that they themselves would be no different, perhaps worse, if raised under the same circumstances.

Reflecting on Natural Events
The parables which Jesus used to teach were based on natural events... vines growing, seeds sprouting, wine fermenting, etc, or on everyday human interaction events... woman losing coin, neighbor borrowing bread, etc..

The message for students is to observe God's creation and life and see how it proclaims the Kingdom. These are things that children would naturally experience on a regular basis if they were allowed to be at home throughout the day. Schools attempt to recreate the natural learning process through books, but nature is much more captivating to a child than books. Nature needs to be experienced to be appreciated and understood, in a quiet, reflective way, such as afforded a child who is given simple outdoor tasks such as herding animals and picking berries.

It is equally important that the child learns how to interact with a variety of people, young and old, and how to deal with the situations that come up in a proper way. It is through closeness to the parents, who can lovingly direct children towards virtue throughout the circumstances of the day, that children properly mature into self-giving, considerate adults.

Physically Involving the Disciple
The connection of body and mind is greatly underestimated in current schooling. A child learns by doing. Jesus took his apostles on arduous treks throughout the lands doing work. In giving of their bodies, their mind and hearts were more strongly connected to the task at hand. St. Benedict greatly appreciated how important physical work was in the monastery, and there was a notable decrease in virtue whenever the monks were given over to more book work than physical work. It is essential for the proper development of the soul that physical service makes up a good portion of the disciple's day.

Teaching to Pray
I have only succeeded in educating my children if they love God with their whole hearts, whole minds and whole souls. There is no wisdom and no knowledge outside of that which comes from God, all else is very dangerous. The foundational relationship of the young disciple with His Lord and Master is absolutely critical to his education.

The principle element in building a solid relationship between the Child and His Lord is to teach him to pray. It is essential that there is a significant amount of time each day dedicated to formal family prayer. The formal prayers teach the "formulas" given by God which tell us who He is and how we should relate to Him. The most important formal prayer is the Our Father, given by Christ Himself, which summarizes the correct position of man to God in prayer.

An excellent family prayer routine is to pray the prayer of the Church, the Liturgy of the Hours, which keeps prayer as a regular routine throughout the day. The psalms and Readings penetrate the mind through frequent repetition, and finally strike the heart, transforming it.

It is also highly efficacious to keep the family enveloped in the mantle of the Blessed Mother through singing with her the love song of the Rosary as a family every day. Meditating on the Mysteries of the Rosary brings the Mystery of Jesus' Life into the present moment.

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy takes only 5 minutes, and brings untold graces to the family who is faithful to it. A family can turn make the Chaplet of Mercy into an unselfish act of Mercy by offering the chaplet for someone who is in need of extra graces, especially the dying and suffering, or poor sinners who don't know Jesus.

Daily Mass if at all possible will accomplish more for the education of your children than anything else you could do in a day, and should be put as the highest priority of the day. Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament for children of all ages, but especially for those coming of age, will safeguard their purity and foster their vocation.

Besides formal prayer, the young disciple needs to learn how to pray with his heart. Again, imitation is the finest teacher of this. To see that his parents constantly think of God and mention Him, and sometimes stow away to be quiet with Him, and then come back renewed, is most important. Also, providing a lifestyle where quiet time is available for prayer is essential. My 14 year old son mentioned the other day that he likes to herd the sheep and goats because it gives him time to pray. We never had to tell him to pray, just set it up so he could.

Finally, the key element to an active prayer relationship between children and their God is to appreciate the presence and importance of God in every moment of their life. Only by observing his parents making decisions through discernment of God's will as the sole criteria, will the child come to see God as a loving Father that is interested and active in our lives. By seeing his parents give praise and thanksgiving at all times, he will learn to look toward heaven first with every event in his life, positive as well as negative, knowing that it is God who orchestrates all events for the good of those who love Him.

All other education is subordinate to that listed above. Nothing else is important, rather it is straw, unless the foundation stone of love of God is firmly set. In light of this, allow me to contrast our method of home education or discipleship to that of what I have seen on some unschooling websites.

Discipleship vs. Unschooling

I have at times referred to the way that we school as "unschooling," but after having looked at what other unschoolers do, I realize the need to have a different name for our method of educating our children. What I read on some unschooling sites was rather disturbing, actually, and quite contrary to our philosophy, as I will point out later.

Our method of home education is entirely founded on Christian principles, the guiding theme being that Our Lord Jesus Christ redeemed us and showed us that the only way to live a full life is through sacrifice of oneself in union with Him. To put it simply, we must raise our children up from the self-centered infants that they have entered the world as into self-giving disciples of our Lord. Thus, the term "Discipleship" seems a much better fit.

I agree with unschooling insofar as the whole notion of school seems contrary to nature. Children do not really learn sitting in a desk looking at a book and memorizing things for tests. The busywork of modern schooling actually dumbs a child down, stifles his creativity and his desire to learn. It basically busies his mind and tires his body through lack of real use turning him into a drone that can be easily manipulated.

If a child is to be able to think freely according to the way that the Spirit of God moves Him, he should be able to explore God's creation with his own hands, eyes, ears, nose and mouth. He should be able to exert and stretch the muscles that God gave him, and experience the creativity of the work of his hands. There is no classroom as stimulating and enriching as the family homestead, which encourages a myriad of interests, including ecology, geography, physics, mathematics, biology, history, geology, botany, entomology, etc.

More important than any of this, however, is the context in which all of these things are learned. On a family homestead, the child is taught to learn in reverence and deference to his Creator AND he is motivated by pure love and self giving. The motivational element of education is key! What is the primary motivations of modern schooling? PRIDE, WORLDLY SUCCESS, BEING BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE or, in the best case, obedience. The child is taught to be extremely selfish. I do not see this problem corrected in the unschooling models that I have seen, where the parent hangs over the child waiting for them to take an interest in something, and then runs them around to every museum and every possible event to continue to stimulate that momentary interest. That is the opposite of building up the child's moral character, and could easily turn a child into a whiney, self-interested character.

The primary motivational factors for education should be LOVE of God and LOVE of others. In desiring to serve God and His children, the child will eagerly develop the talents that God has given Him in order to give to his loved ones. The child on the homestead wants to learn about how to grow, nurture, build and craft so that he can give good things to his family from the gifts that God gave him, all the while properly tending the garden entrusted to him. Suddenly, everything is interesting, everything has possibilities, and there is an excitement and an enthusiasm to learn.

This is the context in which true home education or discipleship can best take place. In this context, there is very little active teaching necessary, because the student is moved by the Holy Spirit and by his love to learn more about creation and become a useful member of the family. Again, the example of the parents is key, as the child will imitate the parents service to each other and to their children and their pursuit of improving themselves for the good of others. In such an environment, the child needs only to be supported and encouraged as they learn and grow.

The Kingdom of God will come on Earth when all men seek His will and His glory above all things. If we long for this Kingdom, the place to start is in raising up children who equally long for it.


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A day of discipleship in our family:

Andrew (17) has spent the day working on the house with his dad... putting in light fixtures and plumbing, figuring out where shelving will go and working on the chimney. He also had to find the cows in the ravine and milk them, and spent time playing the guitar with Mary.

Mary (16) was out in her "office" (sewing room in the garage) piecing together rag rug strips part of the day, knitted part of a pair of socks, worked on the garden beds, swept the floor twice, and did a huge pile of dishes, and then worked on her applique wall hangings (for fun), and practiced a song on the banjo with Andrew for the Moses movie.

Annie (15) made a rosary for the All Saint's Day party and spent part of the day assisting Andrew on the chimney, plus cleaned the house and did a huge pile of dishes and made vanilla mousse.

Stephen (14) took apart the hand grinder and fixed it so that he could crack corn for the chickens, and then proceeded to grind a 5 gallon bucket, with the help of his younger siblings. He and his team of younger siblings then went out and made 3 raised garden beds, filling them with rotten stumps, compost and soil, and digging out trenches around them. He worked on a prop for the movie in the shop. He finished making fruit leather on the dehydrator (started it last night). He also worked on programming a game on the computer.

Theresa (12) helped Mary and Stephen on the above activities, milked the goats, fed the animals, made a litter box for her kittens. She worked with her younger sister slicing and drying apples. She also read a book about Mother Cabrini.

Michael (10) did a lesson in Math, milked goats, cracked corn, made cranberry relish, and played a lot with his younger siblings.

Lizzy (8) helped milk goats morning and night, cracked corn, gathered mulch for garden beds, helped sew strips for the rag rug, did some drawing and writing, sliced apples for drying and folded and put away several loads of laundry.

We also had our usual hour of family prayer time, and plenty of time for play (kids played an indoor horseshoe game that a dear friend made for them and brought over as a gift yesterday) and now I'm letting them finish their Anne of Green Gables movie which they started last weekend and have been watching little bits of every evening this week. This was definitely a "less" active day than most, as it is very rainy and muddy outside. Typically, Mary and Theresa would also go for an evening horseback ride, and the kids would spend more time outside herding the animals, chopping firewood, gathering whatever is needed to be gathered, etc. The kids are all working together on the All Saint's Day party, which is always a big event for our family. In the month of preparation for it, they learn about and befriend many new Saints every year, plus they always learn new crafts because they make the prizes (last year, Mary had a beautiful array of Saint dolls) and set up all the games. They're often grinding wheat for bread and all of the girls know how to make it. Mary has a couple of goat hides nearing the end of the tanning process which we're planning to make boots out of. Annie writes and draws quite well, and she's been teaching the younger kids. Andrew is the director when it comes to their movie making. They all have their music that they usually play together. We do things as a group, as you can see, and that way everyone learns what everyone knows, through watching and doing... I have several kids helping when I shear sheep, we're all working on the scraping of the hides with Mary, we butcher chickens together, etc.

Our days are typically free of stress and relaxed, though there was a little tiff between 2 children today, and a little disciplinary action as a result. I'm always amazed when people say, "You must be soooo busy!" It doesn't feel that way at all.. the ship pretty much runs itself and most of the things that I do are more of an adjustment here and a little tweak there, and then letting nature take over.

So, if someone were to look at what our kids are doing in a day and think, "Well, those kids are just having a bunch of fun and doing a little work. Where's the learning going on?" Here's what I would answer:

Art & Crafts, Gym, Religion, Music, Band, Speech (preparing All Saint's Days speeches), Drama, Film, Sewing/Textiles, Cooking/Foods, Biology..

How many 8 yr olds look at dinner and exclaim, "It looks like a placenta!"? Yes, that happened here... it really wasn't that bad, just worried them a bit... lol.... Point is, how many kids KNOW what a placenta looks like, or even what it is? There is a TON of biology and science in working with, doctoring and butchering animals... how many kids know what lanolin is, what it can be used for, where it comes from, how to remove it, and what it feels like and looks like fresh from the source? There is absolutely nothing like observing and FEELING the inside of a freshly butchered animal for studying how the body is made... it's absolutely amazing to move the joints back and forth and look at how all the organs are fit together and what they look like... then the skin and the hair and the teeth... it never ceases to amaze me, as much as I hate butchering day, it is fascinating. How many kids get to witness and even assist at the births of a huge variety of animals, and then get the great joy of holding the new little one in their laps?

How about the gardening and working with the soil, seeing how mulch works and what happens when rain comes and washes soil away.. soil conversation, erosion, meandering of rivers, composting, fungus growth, microbiology, etc. Then there's building with cob, understanding the chemistry of making strong bonds in mixing natural paints, and biological processes in fermentation for breads, cheeses, beverages and lacto-fermented vegetables.

Sociology, Ethics - When the tiff broke out between the 2 kids, they got the usual spiel from me: Dear children, look at how you are both stubbornly holding on to what you want for yourselves, rather than yielding to the other. Do you realize that such silly little differences are often the cause of WAR? Whole nations begin fighting over such selfishness and unwillingness to part with "their" silly desires, and children and mommies and daddies suffer tremendously, just because some people in the world are doing what you 2 are doing right here. If we can't keep peace in our little loving home between brother and sister, how can we ever hope for world peace?... it never fails to make them feel extremely sorry for fighting, and to really think about how their actions affect others and the whole world.

We have opportunities for discussions like this on a regular basis, whenever something "big" happens in the world, it is discussed from a spiritual point of view, along with what "we" can do to help the situation.

History - Bill is a war buff, and loves to talk to the kids about the wars.. where did he "learn" this stuff? Natural curiosity and historical movies.. not from school. I can't remember a fraction of what he knows.

This year, we became fascinated with the "Ancient Miners" and got several books on the subject... for anyone wanting to know just how much history can change from truth and facts to the stuff that's written in books, this is proof positive. EVERYONE that has lived in the UP KNOWS about these Ancient Miners.. proof is in every local historical account, proof is in most everyone's closets, as almost everyone has tools in perfect conditions (we've heard that there are so many floating around that people toss the imperfect ones), yet, no history book that I have ever seen even faintly glances on these people... huh? There just isn't truth in modern day text books, even if they come from Catholic sources.. history has been rewritten to suit "someone's" agenda.. so, truth is sought in prayer, not in textbooks for this subject.

Math - Daily working on the homestead has many opportunities for math. The boys in their shop need to learn and use angles, fractions, measurements. We often have to figure percentages of feeds. Monopoly is a fun way to build up math skills, as are many other games that the children play on a regular basis. Plus, for this one they each work on their lessons... it's the only text book they have, and it's kind of like a game for them, too. They formally go up to a first year of Alg, and then anything else is as needed.

Reading and Writing - We take the kids to the library often and they are all avid readers. Restricting tv makes them love to read for entertainment, to the point that we often have to restrict reading as well Smile. There are great books that teach and entertain.. Charlotte Mason lists are good. Writing mostly gets improved by lots of reading, but we do ask for writing from the younger kids if they don't offer it on their own. We usually have them write about something they're interested in.

Religion - Something to be lived rather than just talked about. First live it, and that will inspire them with love to learn more and more. All family discussions are from an angle of our faith. They know their faith because we live it and discuss it regularly.

Finally, for the critics who say that homeschooled kids aren't properly socialized, I would like to point out that the kids have time for each other, and spend a lot of time interacting, learning how to cooperate with each other and teaching and playing with younger ones. When you have each kid "compartmentalized" with their studies for their grades, they don't have the time and opportunity for such, and it means SO MUCH to the little ones when the older kids include them in on activities. They have a blast together, from 4 yr old Johnny to 17 yr old Andrew, all going out and doing projects like the Moses film, or building the house or playing some game that they made up. That's socialization at its finest.