Teaching Kids to Think for Themselves
By Meg LundWow, isn't this contrary to the modern way of doing things? Everything is so structured and every decision is made by adults that kids are even told when to go to the bathroom. Kids are herded around from planned activity to planned activity. The result is often an adult that is very happy to sit at a factory job where everything is the same every day and someone else makes their life's decisions. Life is constant, without challenges or surprises, and the person is content because they don't know how to deal with such things. A perfect "sheeple" is created.
Contrast this to a boy that is raised on a farm with his dad, grampa and maybe a few uncles around. He is constantly learning all that they know, plus he watches and learns how they get themselves through disasters. He witnesses such things as helping a cow through a difficult birth, dealing with a sly fox that keeps getting at the chickens, fixing a broken tractor, building a shed, directing and containing water, storing feed, growing good hay, observing weather patterns, testing for good soil, checking the health of an animal, and watching and interpreting signs of every kind in nature. By the time he is 12, he is a jack of all trades, can fix anything with baling twine and duct tape and can think on his feet. He is confident, hard working, healthy, strong, aware, intelligent, self-motivated, respectful of nature and God (he has to be, it's a farmer's life), and giving of himself. This is why the Army always wanted the farm boys. City boys are "soft".. timid, afraid of hard work or hard conditions, afraid to make decisions, panicky under stress, etc.
Besides the family homestead environment, which is so essential for building character, other things that help are giving children responsibility for themselves as much as possible. They learn to do their duties, or they pay the consequences. In other words, no one stands over them and says "Now do this." "Have you done this, yet?" "Don't forget to do that." Whatever their chores or assignments are, as much as possible give them full responsibility for planning when and how those get done. Something to the effect of: "This is your math book for the year." You get to that point by starting with a younger child with their day's assignment, then, as they get a little older, they get their week's work at one time, then their month's, etc.
Kids will rise to the expectations placed on them. They feel very dignified (read, self esteem) when they are aware that their parents think so highly of them that they entrust them to great responsibilities.
Another realm in which I like to get my kids working out their own problems is in getting along with each other. When very young, they are given the foundation of what is expected of them. They are taught to share, to be considerate, to be helpful, to put others needs in front of theirs, to be forgiving, to never get angry or to lie or to speak harshly to another, etc. By the time they are 4 or 5, these things are expected of them, and they are encouraged to work out their problems with each other. They need to learn how to speak in respectful tones even when they are upset, how to see things from the other person's perspective, etc. As they get a little older, they need to learn how to deal with the hurts and misunderstandings that sometimes occur between friends... how to talk openly to clear up problems, and when it is better to stay quiet and pray, etc.